THE opening of a third bottle of wine is always the point at which everything goes horribly wrong, research has found.  

Extensive studies have found that while one bottle is not enough and it seems a shame to stop at two, three is definitely too many. 

Dr Helen, not her real name, said: “We have definitively linked the choice to open a third bottle of wine with hangovers, vomiting, texting the really bad ex and the telling of home truths to formerly close friends. 

“By uncorking that third bottle, even if it is a sunny evening and everyone is having a wonderful time, we uncork a nightmare of jealousy, recrimination, execrable singing and ultimately complete societal breakdown. 

“Unfortunately we have discovered that the key effect of the second bottle is to cause drinkers to crave a third one, so there’s no solution just yet.”