As she grieved for the future she would lose with her partner of almost nine years, Tony Russo, 57, she never anticipated the impact the devastating diagnosis would have on their relationship.
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Within months Sally, 33, saw the man she loved drastically change from kind, thoughtful and generous to jealous, angry and paranoid – so much so, he even accused her of trying to kill him.
Sally says: “If Tony walked in a room, you knew he was there.
“He was so spontaneous and loved life. He wouldn’t have a bad day, he just wouldn’t allow it.
“He was an amazing person, romantic and so thoughtful. We really were the best of friends, but in the end he became a totally different person.”
Art consultant Sally met Tony, an artist whose work was once snapped up by Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow, at a gallery, and they instantly bonded over their shared passion.
Despite their 24-year age gap, Tony was Sally’s “soulmate” and they planned a happy future together.
But in February 2019, the couple were given the crushing news that Tony, dad to Saffy, 24 and Oscar, 27, from a previous relationship, had an incurable brain tumour – the very same cancer that killed his father just years earlier.
Sally says: “Tony was actually brilliant. I think we as a family coped with it because Tony did.
“He accepted it straight away and was just super positive.”
Tony, who began drawing at a young age to help him cope with his dyslexia and autism, was diagnosed with glioblastoma – the deadly kind of brain tumour that The Wanted star Tom Parker died form in 2022 – after having a massive seizure while in bed with Sally.
Sally remembers: “It was about 4.30am and he just woke up and started screaming.
“I thought he had seen a spider as he hated those, then when I saw him I thought he was having a stroke.
“We went to the hospital and they did a CT scan and that’s when the doctor told us there was something on his brain that shouldn’t be there.
“I think he knew straight away exactly what it was.”
FAST DECLINE
Within three days, Tony had an operation at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery (NHNN), in London, but there was only so much of the tumour they could remove.
Sally says: “They got quite a lot of it which was lucky as some of them are inoperable, but they can never get it all.
“They can’t get all the tiny cancer cells and that’s ultimately what regrows.”
Tony was given the prognosis of a year and half to live, but a combination of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and immunotherapy gave him extra precious months with Sally and his children.
In October 2020, during a standard check up, there appeared to be no signs of the tumour, however, just three months later, after Christmas, he was told it had returned – and was already 10cm in size.
Sally says: “We were told with the regrowth we were looking at about six months, and that’s when things started to become really hard.
“The doctors said the tumour could grow up to two per cent a day, it was scary.
“Tony had previously had normal side effects from his treatment, but where this regrowth was sitting on his brain, his behaviour changed drastically.
“He had mood swings and he became quite paranoid. He didn’t like me going out as he was afraid I was going to go off with someone else.
“He was just never really himself again after that. It was horrible because he went from being our rock, to going downhill and changing very quickly.”
Things got really bad for the couple when Tony accused Sally of trying to kill him – an accusation that left her heartbroken.
She says: “He was so paranoid that I wasn’t giving him the correct medication.
“He would double check them himself and then ask other people to check too.
“One day he asked if I was trying to kill him, and then that was it, he believed that I was.
“In the end the GP and his hospice carers had to get involved as the allegations he was making – despite being so wrong – were very serious.
“I had to log every drop of morphine and every tablet I gave him – there were a lot of forms and they were being checked every time the doctor or nurse came in.
“They would check and count the medication in the house and make sure it was all there.
“It made me feel absolutely awful. We were already going through so much.
“I could see it was the tumour making Tony think this way, and as upsetting as that was, I had to hang onto that.
“But it made everything really difficult because, ultimately, all I was trying to do was care for him and I had his best interests at heart.”
SEARCHING FOR HOPE
The couple turned to homoeopathy and Chinese medicine in the hope it might help slow the tumour’s growth and Sally joined Tony in following a sugar free and vegan diet.
But the combination of steroids and chemotherapy made Tony balloon to 24st and his size made it difficult for Sally to care for him.
She says: “Me and Tony were best friends, but I lost my best friend from the minute he was diagnosed.
“Then when the tumour came back, it just got worse. For the last six months I became his carer around the clock.
“I was his friend, I wasn’t his partner. We didn’t sleep together, we couldn’t go out, we couldn’t do anything together.
“We just sat in a room together as he deteriorated. It was horrible.
“He became so heavy that I could no longer lift him and we both ended up with beds in our living room. I had one or two hours sleep a night at most.”
Sally has heaped praise on the nurses at The Hospice of St Francis in Berkhamsted for the care shown to both herself and Tony during his final months.
She is now working with the hospice to get more support for carers who are going through a similar experience she has.
She says: “There needs to be more help and support for the carers. They will never go through what their loved ones are, but it is so incredibly hard.
“You can never be ready to watch someone die, but the nurses at St Francis prepared me and told me what to look for.
“I was so scared and when I knew it was coming, I didn’t think I’d know what to do, but something kicked in and I knew I had to be strong for Tony.
“He was incredible. He fought throughout his illness, but I felt like his last five days with us, he fought like never before. He didn’t want to let go.”
On June 15, 2022, Tony tragically died at 2.30am.
Sally says: “I didn’t want him to leave us, but I didn’t want him to suffer any more.
“He was in pain and due to his size, the levels of morphine he was given wasn’t enough.
“It might sound strange to some people, but Tony’s last few hours were so nice.
“He loved music so we listened to some Kanye [West] and his children, his sisters and I talked about the good times and were laughing.
“We all said goodnight to him and then I got into the bed next to him.
“About midnight I could hear his breathing was changing and I knew it was time, then he just slipped away. In the end, it was peaceful.”
‘HUGE ADMIRATION’
Sally has huge admiration for Kelsey Parker, the widow of The Wanted singer Tom who died from the same aggressive cancer on March 30 last year.
Like Kelsey, she wants more research into brain tumours, their causes and treatments.
Sally says: “She is incredible. I can understand some of what she has been through as our stories sound similar, but I can’t believe she has had to cope with what she has while having two young children too.
“This type of brain tumour is one of the biggest killers in under 40s and often affects men more than women.
“We need to understand why that is, what causes them and how they can be cured.
“The survival rate isn’t very high and most people will die within 18 months after diagnosis.
“In America you get scanned if you have a family history or headaches, but it isn’t always done straight away here.
“Kelsey is using her platform to raise awareness and that is fantastic. I’m sharing my story so I can do the same. It’s important we speak about it.”
March was been a special month for Sally and Tony’s children as not only has it marked Brain Tumour Awareness Month, but March 31 would have been Tony’s 58th birthday.
On April 6, Sally will be showcasing Tony’s artwork, under his professional name Stony, to help raise vital funds for The Brain Tumour Charity.
She says: “Tony had to stop painting in his final months, but he was sketching up until the point he could no longer hold a pen.
“He would be sketching at appointments, during treatments, it was his passion.
“It kept him busy but it was his way of expressing himself.
“When I read his art from that time now, I’m like, ‘Wow’. Some of them are super sad, but there are some where I can see he was being amazingly strong.
“Tony will not only continue to live through his children, but also his art.”
Stony’s art work can be viewed at the ‘Time’ art exhibition from April 6-15 at the Business Design Centre in London. For more information visit www.quantusgallery.com.
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