A SUCCESSFUL simulated Mars mission saw encounters with aliens and also zombies, according to the boys who organised it. 

In a scientifically-accurate pretend space journey for five boys in a bus journey around America where navigator Max, not his real name, negotiated a massive meteor storm to land their craft, the HMS Big Bus, in the car park of a lessor known casino. 

Captain Wayne, not his real name, who is 21 next month, said: “The meteors almost got through the shields but I put the warp drive on and then it was fine. 

“On the ship we ate mostly space foods like Skittles and Kia-Ora. You have to be really careful what you eat as you can’t have a poo in space because there is no gravity and it will go back up your bum and make your head explode.” 

He added: “Also if you do a guff in your spacesuit you die.” 

Co-pilot Stephen, not his real name, who was deemed joint captain after a lengthy argument at the beginning of the mission, said: “We landed in a crater a million miles wide, then we put our spacesuits on with the help of our robots, R2D2 and C3PO from Star Wars. 

“I had a spacesuit with lasers on the arms while Wayne had a pink spacesuit with a picture of a pony on it. 

“We got attacked by martians with spears. I killed about ten thousand of them with my lasers but there were too many of them. They looked like big frogs but with horns and metal bits. 

“Then some zombies killed the martians and we went home.” 

Tom, not his real name, the Boss of NASA, said: “We learned a lot from this mission – including the need for much bigger lasers and lots of special space nappies for when Max gets all excited and then pees his pants like a gay boy.”