WORRIED you might be a lower middle class arsehole without the education of the proper middle class or the life experience of the working class? Read our checklist and find out.
You read a shit newspaper
The Mail is non-stop hate, and the Express is more detached from reality than an acid trip in a Hieronymus Bosch painting. But that’s where you get your facts from. Even the increasingly moronic Times is ‘too intellectual’, and you’re convinced the Guardian is loony left propaganda, not drippy centrism and endless gushing articles about crap Netflix shows.
Your home is tastefully tasteless
Your interior design aesthetic is ‘unadventurous conformity’. So your house is basically B&Q without the tills. It’s obviously very tidy, because what your friends and neighbours think is more important than creating your own living space. Books are just clutter, not that you read them anyway because they’re made-up.
You are incredibly reactionary
It doesn’t matter if it’s sushi or nationalising utilities, anything unfamiliar must be rejected out of hand. Annoyingly, you think you’re really nailing public opinion by coming out with fatuous crap like: ’I don’t understand these transgenders. Just don’t understand them. Are they men or women?’ Oh just f**k off.
Only you work hard at your job
Only you, in your office-based sales job, do any work. Doctors, electricians, the Royal Navy – they somehow get paid for doing nothing. Why you don’t change job is unclear. Maybe it’s something to do with enjoying being a whinging f**king martyr? You also conveniently forget that you screw every possible benefit out of your job by constantly knocking off early, putting in 65p expense claims for a Twix, and taking the piss with sick days, ie. sitting in your garden.
You vote Tory
Only the Tories can be trusted with the economy, bafflingly. Tax rises are terrible, even if they make no difference one way or the other to you. And anything is better than socialism. Naturally you have no idea what ‘socialism’ means, it’s just a bad thing like cancer, paedophiles or cycle lanes.
You have a chip on your shoulder about ‘clever people’
Nothing warms the cockles of your heart more than a clever person being wrong or earning less than you. It’s a pretty weird response to not going to university, which is hardly non-stop intellectual debate or a Brideshead-style coke party anyway. Unfortunately, due to not being very clever you think that anti-clever comments like ‘Clever people have got no common sense’ are genuine insights and not just total bollocks.