WORLD Book Day isn’t an unnecessary ordeal for parents, it’s a unique opportunity to show off just how advanced and superior your posh sprog is. Here’s what to dress them as. 

Odysseus 

Your son wanted to be Percy Jackson, but you insisted that he would be much cooler if he looked back a few millennia. Unlike sword-wielding warrior Odysseus, your offspring will get his head kicked in at lunchtime for wearing a toga. 

Snow White 

No Disney nonsense for you, despite the name. Your daughter should be drilled to recite that she is Grimm’s Snow White, or as she is called in the original High German, Schneeweißchen. Forget Dopey and Doc, this one’s focus is on the original story’s exciting plot points like the poisoned comb. 

The Little Prince 

Show those suckers that your little darling can read French, too. Well, he did technically read it in translation, but there is a significant etymological crossover between French and English via Latin, actually. That should shut up any nit-pickers. 

One of the Little Women 

Finally, a proper children’s book not about magic. Impress parents and teachers with a costume obsessively dedicated to 1860s historical accuracy. That’s what makes reading so magical – a pedantic level of detail. 

Winston Smith from Nineteen Eighty-Four 

Admit it, your six-year-old has never read Orwell, which is probably just as well with the face-eating rats bit. You just wanted a picture you could post on Twitter to make some sort of bland political point for a few likes. It’s what World Book Day is all about. 

Matilda 

Roald Dahl’s child genius is very much how you see your offspring, with your superb parenting responsible. It’s just a shame their actual academic abilities are less ‘child prodigy’ and more Stig of the Dump.