A MAN has made a heartfelt apology to his partner for callously doing something he has no memory or understanding of.
Anthony, not his rea name, repeatedly expressed his regret to sullen girlfriend Donna Sheridan despite her refusal to give him any clues as to the time, place or nature of the unforgivable thing he did.
He said: “Jess, not her real name, seemed fine when I walked in from work, but within minutes she was only communicating in grunts or hostile silence.
“I asked her what she was upset about and she replied ‘If you don’t know, I’m not going to spell it out for you’. That didn’t help much, but obviously that’s my fault.
“I even told her how nice her new hairstyle looked as soon as I’d taken my coat off and sat down, but all I got was a ‘Hmmph!’ and a toss of the head.
“Did I accidentally run over the cat? I hope not. I haven’t been cheating on her, because you’d probably remember the sex and whatnot. All I could do was promise it will never happen again. If I ever find out what it is.”
She said: “90 quid I spent on these highlights. 90 f**king quid. It was a good five minutes before he noticed and bothered to compliment me, the selfish bastard.
“If he thinks he’s getting any this weekend he’s pissing well dreaming.”