CRASS commercialism isn’t romance. True love is respecting a man sticking by his principles. That’s why I, Guido aged 28, not his real name or age, will be alone tomorrow night:  

Unfair charging policies 

You do know that restaurants and florists jack up their prices on February 14th, don’t you? Fifteen quid for a bunch of red roses? No chance. I’m all for being spontanously romantic on birthdays and anniversaries that end in a zero. A meal on Valentine’s Day cost less than a long weekend in Hull if you take your own food and booze. 

Hallmark Holiday 

It’s nothing but a cynical ploy by the world of commerce to boost moribund February spending, so it’s to my credit that I’m unswayed by the need to make a dramatic statement of intent to a partner in a retail lull between Christmas and Easter. Our love is better than that. 

Every day should be Valentine’s Day 

As a caring, sensitive guy, I rightly feel that expressing your love shouldn’t be restricted to a specific day. It should be always there, living and breathing, in tune with the woman’s emotions. I tell women that and they’re always impressed, though subsequently the Tinder chat tends to die down. 

It demeans true love 

Love isn’t an appointment. It isn’t a day on a calendar. To celebrate by rote alongside all the other couples would be to stab a gilded stake through its heart. If society deems that necessary? Then society is wrong, and I’d rather be at home watching Bridget Jones’s Diary as though I stumbled on it and can’t be bothered to change channel. 

It should be anonymous 

The true spirit of Valentine’s Day is a card arriving from an admirer, signed with no more than a question mark. Who has been watching me from afar? Could this be the great romance of my life? But with modern postal strikes, dating apps and anti-stalking laws, it could never happen. It’s never happened to me.