Kim Kemmis studied to become a Christian minister. Now the Sydney man struggles to step into a church.
In the 1990s, he tried to turn straight by attending religious “support groups”.
“The message that came through all the time was you’re sinful, you’re shameful. But you can change,” Mr Kemmis said.
“And it was that last bit that was the bait that kept us hooked,” he said.
Years later, he realised that was a lie. No number of exorcisms would change his sexuality.
“I went through that a couple of times, where people lay hands on you and pray over you, and they find the demons inside you, and they cast them out,” Mr Kemmis said.
“It wasn’t noisy or violent when I did it. But at the end of it, I felt crushed.”
Former Pentecostal preacher Anthony Venn-Brown lived in denial for more than two decades.
No matter how hard he tried to “pray the gay away”, conversion practices, including fasting and exorcisms, failed to stifle his homosexuality.
“Imagine the impact on your mental health, to think that you have an evil spirit living in you,” Mr Venn-Brown said.
Self-hate almost drove Mr Venn-Brown to suicide.
“It’s a miracle I’ve survived, really,” he said.
“There are moments where I thought, nah.”
Conversion practices are based on the idea that a person’s orientation or gender identity can be changed, suppressed or eradicated through practices ranging from psychiatric treatments to spiritual intervention.
These practices have been outlawed in Queensland, Victoria, and the Australian Capital Territory.
But they are still legal in New South Wales.
Independent MP Alex Greenwich plans to introduce an omnibus Equality Bill, including a prohibition on conversion practices.
Neither the state government nor the opposition have committed to a ban yet.
With the state election next month, Equality Australia CEO Anna Brown is urging the major parties to promise to legislate against conversion practices.
“These practices cause really profound and lasting psychological harm,” Ms Brown said.
“Being told that something inherent to who you are makes you disordered or sick is really harmful,” she said.
Ending conversion practices is on the agenda at the Sydney World Pride Human Rights Conference.
“We should have got rid of them a long time ago,” Mr Kemmis said.
“I can’t believe that even though we were moving away from it 20 years ago, they’re still going.”
“People are taking their lives still today over this issue,” Mr Venn-Brown said.
“It is time to say that this is no longer appropriate. People need to be celebrated, accepted, and particularly affirmed.”