A MAN who is fed up with the hassle of life in the UK has announced he is leaving to live an affordable and sophisticated life in continental Europe.  

Kevin, aged 32, not his real name or age, has visited Europe a few times, on a booze cruise to Calais and a weekend in Milan, and is confident moving there will be as simple as loading his stuff in a van and choosing a location. 

He said: “Everything’s rubbish here: it’s freezing, the NHS is down the shitter and my electricity bill cost more than a flight to Malaysia and everyone is on strike. 

“Spain, on the other hand, is lovely. You can drink Café con leche all day and Rose Tequilla all night. You don’t need heating because it’s dead sunny and Spanish aren’t bothered about bills or paperwork or all that crap. They’re a relaxed Latin culture. 

“As an IT Cloud guy I can work anywhere, and they all speak English. I’m going to give notice, hire a van, do a road trip and make my home in the first town I like the look of. Ciao.” 

Husband Allan, not his real name,  said: “Kevin an optimist but not a thinker. He doesn’t realise that Europe has winter, only tourist areas speak English, and the admin out there often involves presenting yourself to the town mayor and hoping he’s in a good mood. 

“It’s not all flip-flops and fountains, and he refuses to hear that we can only stay 90 days post Brexit – which he voted for. But he is reconsidering now I’ve told him you can’t get salt-and-vinegar crisps in Torremolinos”