A MAN has enthusiastically agreed to going out on New Year’s Eve despite knowing full well he will back out at the last minute. 

Guido, not his real name, aged 62, has spent several weeks faking excitement at plans to do a pub crawl with friends, while simultaneously thinking up reasons why he cannot attend. 

He said: “I’m buzzing about not seeing the New Year in. The build up is well under way. We’ve picked a route around the town centre, which I won’t be doing, and got tickets for a bar I won’t be in, for a countdown I’ll only hear on my TV. 

“The lads will be on top form, full of quality banter and increasingly hilarious hijinks the more they drink. I can’t wait to not experience all that fun and laughter. 

“I’ll give them a believable reason that they won’t be able to see through about why I’m not coming. Like a sinkhole has appeared in my garden or something. They’ll fall for that.” 

Guido’s husband, not his real name, said: “We know he’ll bottle out, but we enjoy taking the piss about it behind his back. F**k knows what we’d do if he ever actually turned up, the flaky, miserable fun sponge.”